rant #1

Today was my first class in a new volleyball club, and it was a games Vs another team. I don't know anyone and the girl I know is a little younger then me. I came to the game really nervous I thought I could do well and I the girls from there would say, oh, okay, she's okay! But he'll nah,every ball that came to me went wrong, plus this time I had to go up, near the net, absolutely horrendous. I DO NOT LIKE BEING IN FRONT OF ANYTHING. The coach and the girls were shouting me to go to position number 2, I knew I had to go to the bloody position and I got lost between all the shouting and things, a ball came. A ball came! My opportunity, I jumped to pass it but another girl came on back, didn't she see me there? I guess not, the thing is that I was already in the air and she was to, we lost that point, and started shouting at me. I'm really sorry, I know I'm not good, and I should have gone there, but I didn't. I'm so so so sorry. It's all me foult, please just DONT make me play, I don't know if I want to stay in volleyball at this point, fuck, I'm the worst, and I don't want you to say: She is victimising herself wth. I'm so sorry if you think that, it's really not what I'm trying to do? Anyways, I don't think I want to play on big games ya know? I feel like a fucking idiot. Jeez. Good rant, tomorrow I'll really try to stay undercover, I really don't want to get so noticeable, I must get more silent... Yeah. Anyways, that was it. Byes